waiting in the cocoon.

I’m feeling incredibly antsy today.  There’s a paper that i should be writing, but i can’t seem to get the words out.  The outline has been done since Saturday, but i can’t seem to fill it in.  i’m finding myself more and more in worry-mode and less in peace and serenity mode.   So this morning as soon as i dropped little man off at school i located the nearest meeting and went.  It helped.  For a minute. i’ve recited the Serenity Prayer more times today than i thought possible.  i’ve meditated.  i’ve prayed.   I don’t know what’s going on!! Depression?  Anxiety? both?  it feels more like anxiety.  Whatever it is, it’s debilitating and i just want it to go away.  Every day is a struggle.  i’m maintaining a positive attitude and i’m not beating myself up over it.  i know that it’s temporary.  i’m chalking it up to the process of change.  i no longer want to react and respond the way the old  me did, but i don’t quite feel comfortable in the “new” me’s skin yet.  i’m still in my cocoon, but i can feel the changes and it is unpleasant — even though i know the outcome will be beautiful and amazing. 

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