If you can’t say something nice…

…don’t say anything at all.

i’ve been very quiet lately.  Not in the tone of voice sense.  i’m still loud when i talk.  i’m just not saying as much.  i’m caring less and less about my opinions.  i still have them, but i don’t feel the need to share them.

This space is my exception.  Because people can stop reading at any time.

i used to enjoy dry, sarcastic humor.  Most sarcastic people are cynical and relatively to highly intelligent.  Sarcasm is an intellectual snob’s guilty pleasure.  And it’s very condescending.

i didn’t always like it.  But i was told that i needed tougher skin and not to be so sensitive.  So i learned how to play the game.  and i got good at it.  too good.  mean, even.  And if you didn’t know i was joking, you were either stupid or overly-sensitive and needed to grow a pair.  And i saw absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Something’s changed.  Don’t get me wrong:  there is a time and a place for witty sarcasm.  But it is overused and it is mean.  One thing i’m having an especially hard time swallowing is the way i see husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends or parents/children treating each other on facebook (in particular).  It breaks my heart.

After some healing time, my ex-husband and i became roommates.  And we decided to be nice to each other.  There was enough junk hitting us in the real world, that we wanted our home to be a sanctuary away from the drama and stresses outside.  That didn’t work out perfectly, but it worked out well enough.  Sometimes i wonder how our marriage would have gone if we would have just been nicer to each other.  Anyway, during this time, my ex-husband became one of my best friends.  He was there for me when i got pregnant and didn’t have the support of the father.  To this day, i consider him my brother.

Shouldn’t it be even more-so for people who supposedly love each other?  Shouldn’t we be protecting the reputations of  the ones we love and not picking at their faults (sarcastically or not) in a public forum?  It appalls me that some people have little to no regard for other people’s feelings.  I don’t care if the person can “handle it” or not. i could “handle it” and dish it back twice as hard.   We shouldn’t have to have tough skin to be around the people who supposedly love us.  The people who love us should be a safe place, where we can be vulnerable and broken and free from judgement.  And yet, sometimes it seems like we get “bullied” more by those who are closest to us.

So today i’m choosing to be nice.  i’m keeping my sarcastic comments to myself (mostly) and i’m doing my best to be a safe place for the people i love.  i don’t have to have tough skin.  i don’t want tough skin.  i don’t have to retort when people are mean.  i can just remember that i used to be that person.  And love them.  Hurt people hurt people.  i don’t have to hurt back.

That’s my rant for today.